its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
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I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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