Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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