matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
