nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
