when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
