Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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