Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
