this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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