Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
