remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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