I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just high enough for therapy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
