Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize