my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
