Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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