Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
