Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
