THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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