I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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