real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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