I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
