Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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