If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
