Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
