Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
