you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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