Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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