walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
