hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
