She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
