hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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