i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
