actually, I'm a sock model
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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