things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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