I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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