In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
