I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
