it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
