She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
