He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
