I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
