I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
