im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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