Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
