i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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