dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
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Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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