Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
