so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
