Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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