You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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