I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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