i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
