I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
