oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
