I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
