My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
