Got a toothbrush?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
