you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
