I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
