Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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