Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
