she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
