he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
