I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
did you just send me my own nude
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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