if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
