This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
