And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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