So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
be right there i have to get my cape
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
