So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
