I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
