I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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