is your mom at the bar?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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