Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
