It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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