I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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