I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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