drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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