So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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