She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we're making bets on your personal life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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