I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dick very happy bro
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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