Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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