dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
