I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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