she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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